there are some pains that cut worse than others.Some joys that just cant be born . And everything changes you. till
It makes you anew
who are we?
who are you?
what is everything>?
except an experience
a choice
The willfull needs of a child
....God(?)

passion stirred motion steeped in molten heat and amber sighs

I am born daily yet I never Die . In my growth I am diminished and in my kingdom I serve ,Those cast out are the most free

be Unbound and be Boundless . Accept nothing and be oundless .Seek nothing and have everything .Look within and BE

Arise silent one and speak

truth echoed in silence ,Unspeak in the bright dark of that which is not mind ,no-thing yet every thing.

say all that must be undone for everything to be whole again

time /to eye me

the observation that something is relative(time,space, morality,position,speedetc) hints that it is mere conventionand "not real". it is a convenience of scale,style or level(?) of observation.
-If there is no time /SINCE there is no time ,everything is complete.
(? wonder what a completed "trans-time" object looks like ?)
time is kinda like a way of observing the "blown up" mechanics of a thing /event.
All "blown up". Allowing you to see how a thing fits together. The sequence of observation is entirely random and subjective AND unnecessary to the thing itself. Like the rendering of a clock or engine in design programs.

So our concious observation=time. Our comprehension and understanding defines the rate and sequence of the event "time" so maybe time is like a quanta of comprehension? so time is a cenvention or way of observing and comprehending an event ,thing ,whatever..?

this would totally resolve the question of freewheel/free will . If we stop confusing the phenomena/event with the eye we realise that free will is simply the exploration of infinities that already ARE , nothing is new except our perception of them , our experience of the thing. In other words everything is utterly meaningless. Until I come along and nail it to my own particular narrative, blow it up and observe IT.
'IT' being all that IS.
All that 'is' being ME. Lil' ol' me

I can digg it :)

life letters

--
Dear warden

Set me Free and I will serve you always.

------------------------------------------




Dear Warden,

Go to hell
-----------------------------


Dear Warden,
I forgive you .

-----------------------------------


Warden,
I will burn this prison Down.
--------------------------------

Warden,
Let me free , I understand now.
--------------------------------
Dear Warden,

I am free

Why are you bound?
-------------------

Warden
I can set you free
-------------------------

" and they set it up on an altar and rejoiced for days and settled , for now they were not lost having found the map

I, the Liar

I found my fire and it scares me
thunder pales
the truth is in me
each day I am torn , and each morn born anew

the pain has become the norm

I am knocking ..on heavens door ,
I think...
Is Jesus even his name
Is Yahweh game
I wished to be a mendicant in life
A monk and a monastery
coz this life has no meaning known to me

It’s all illusion and sleight of hand
the gifts are undeserving .
my soul. was sold. This I knew even
when I was as a child
In Creation Complicit.
What is mine is taken,and what matters is turned to dust .
My best friend. my brother was slain
and my mentor and teacher thinks that I am insane .

But even before I was in darkness spelled
I saw heaven
felt the pleasure that bespoke pain
I struggle to explain myself because just maybe I am wrong.
so many people look to me for hope
but what if I
am wrong
what if I did not see what I think I saw
what if light is dark and right is wrong.
and my feeble mind in reaching
has broken
And the light I see is the phantom sight of a blinded eye
And will powered myopia drives my battle cries.

the vast engines of my hopes & prayers
are driven solely by fear
when my last faith was betrayed
I did not get up
I remained a broken toy
A puppet without a puppeteer
Seven years fleshless
A ghoul full of anguish and pain
Wholly and completely vain

with friends friendless
unclothed but not naked
wearing masks truer than the lie I had become

I go on because I have been loved
and In that loving embrace observed
The Universe

Yes my insanity knows no bounds .And My observations are vain:
you are here
because, I am here
and when I am gone you are not
yes, this is a lie that pleasures me
and when it is gone I am not,
and even with this all I have is not purpose but Doubt

in my repast I am Loki
I am Satan
I am God
I am the Master of my universe


but when I look at my life , I am Rebecca
I am Eve
I am Jesus
A martyr to my own cause;I eat my young
the serpent in his own garden .Sisyphus
I want so much for those I love but seem to fail consistently
I want and want and want
apparently more than I can give

my alms are beyond my reach

and my reach beyond my arms

death would be a kind deed
but a cheap and false escape in deed

I want to be honest with myself
Naked
I can’t do it though
So many masks are necessary to me being me
I live by sleight of hand
I owe all I am to deceptions
not to be unkind, but to be me

forgive me world

Hey Fanta!
Look at what we made. See
Look ,don't close your eyes
It's so beautiful Fanta eh!

Taste the colors Fanta
Touch the music ,feel the breeze
Don't turn away Fanta
Justlook Fanta

Don't Close your eyes Fanta
Fanta ,See.

The devils trap

I was running but not getting anywhere, the sounds were getting closer.
The sickening slap and wheeze of their approach sounding like a throat cut and breathed through.

Shade spawned and hopeless bound.
Welcome to the warm boil.
That you do notknow IS the point.
This is the dark spell.
Look for it. Its message is this"You are Close."
Then in the softest of whispers confess," You were never near, Despair."

When you reach this place. Do not look at the road before you nor the memory of reason. Look instead around you at the edges. The byways and sideways. Though seemingly thwarted
---------------------

3 am

3am
its the silent time in this hemisphere and for the next 40 minutes dreams and nightmares walk bare . peace, be still
lest you wake those disturbed to this bitter
place you must foster to give them solace.

Fear most your own passion and desire lest you feed the beast
and in wanton pleasure forget your self
as for the rest
let them be
it is rest that they have earned

fun times

What is this
choral led bliss
reggae music dance beat
lean back and do your bit
friends and laughter abound
pure smiles and pure hearts are revealed
and when much is given much is received
And when words fail you,
in that fantastic dance called life
lean back and do your beat .

collective

"I" is a collective :except in those instances when you recognize it as otherwise. only u will recognize when I means 'Me'.It's not semantics it's not pedantic .Its a human thing , all else is illusion.
'trust UR gut' should be the bumper sticker on all earth.

The things we have been taught to hate about ourselves.
The natural I
We Express an alien disgust
At what is most pleasurable to the most high
And in a self hate a potted plant is called Satan
We are more than that.
A bridge .
More than a slaved soul
More than Satan or an Obedient servant
I'N’I is the greatest .
Without godhood, We strive and fight
Without foreknowledge, We seek and explore
Without brutality, We reward
And share
And give hard earned bounty .
We claim no honor or obeisance except by our own virtue
We are no better than those who follow us.
We forgive their trespass as they forgive ours.

My kingdom is theirs. Their temptations devil me too.
And the heavens above are our arms raised, carrying all our hopes.

all that i am

I will give you
Whatever you want
To be great
To be truth
To be power unbridled
yet

Always I seek to be man

Man is all I will ever know till beyond

Its been called a third world disease .. I will kill you gladly for that alone

do you remember

hallo there
I was with you there when you didn’t care
I was with you there when you cursed at the air
When you swore you would tear it all down
I swore too

For we knew no grief to mourn.
But In joy! we danced ,we danced like, like ….

We danced the seasons along and the tides into shore, we danced over sunrise and starfields of yore

Then we laughed and laughed till the skies lit up.
Till crackling thrilling thunder cracked a rib

Yes I do remember
It’s just that .. no one else does ,but me

I am reading this book “this hideous strength’
After every other word, and every other page I feel weary yet I am not drunk
My muscles feel weak and my blood burns like acid yet I have not been a thrall.
These sentries and entities occupy too much of my time
What I have seen can never be told in time. And uncaptured they leave entrails of myth and mystery, best described by blatant lie.

Should a liar ever tell a tale that matches the truth? What becomes of the Liar?

Melancholy me, I am engulfed by waifs and scarlet desires.
Demons and tortures
Awake, tired but not spent
Full of will but no desire,
In chaos implicit the galactic pageantry is explicit
In the distance a sun rises, flame and fire uncontrolled but within its realm is a content child. .my sun is not this way, it hurts me and drains and no one can see. I burn most fiercely not for joy but as the driest wood under a spark from forgotten meals, and unneeded.

Air

earth, water, fire and stone .Air

rivers flow and suns shine
Gilded clouds lie beyond our reach
and everywhere there is air

At each turn
every shrug and shake
each half smile completed by another
each downward look and upward smile
the anger that lasts but for a while.
in between there is air


when clouds dance to my muse
and raindrops give rainbows when i please
thank goodness i dont have to wonder
and in glory be lost for light
In this magickal madness
for there is air

> --

Without you here nothing ever happened.
Without your eyes nothing was ever seen.
Without your presence nothing ever happens, and when you blink everything is destroyed

without your embrace nothing was ever held.
without your laughter no one was ever happy
without your song no one ever danced
and if you leave me, I am lost
and if you leave- well-
if you leave.......

beggar

That I do not believe sets a subtle weave. It discerns and burns all hope

Away from these bones

I deny the grace of God on my flesh

I turn away, surrender to the daily grind

Though it hurts to walk alone

And at times I wonder if I must

So I reach out and beg

And realize these alms will not suffice