YES
I am talking to you
fear less
be more
 the metal musturbation of ur kind is a lie

" Learning "is a lie

what u feel and care about is the truth!


if u must
conquer
find reason
But u Are
U ARE ...in the mean time

life is for...........................................

i made a concious choice to stop being me
I made me into something else
i cut off a limb
i hurt a particular self cause it was inneffectual when i needed it to ACT
that king of pain
The dead God
Hurt . really hurt
 then i realised that the power of any and all emotions
is I,
Ifeel
I care
Ilove
I touch
Icare
 I give a damn
and even though the the why
confounds me

I AM

awake
demon killer
 God
Awake maestro of time space and all that lies
Awake self that dreams the world beast
 awake ME
awake time and substance
awake music and meaning
awake
the sensual angels
awake the oversoul
awake
there is nothing else but you
awake
decibels of  of  You

Awake

this is one place one me that is different. complacent and caged
 this is one real that does not act .
this reals is the kind i will extinguish
 i want to be kinetic
energetic
 understanding
thinking
doing

so this is the epitaph of this self
 this is A death
My death
 by the end of this sentence .This "I "will cease to be

ok .
so what happened was
she walked in..
shut up and listen
..where was I
 Right ..."she walked in.
 like she owned the place
 she walked in like she was expected ,you know?


sassy . smart chick

 her hair a wild storm
her walk .waters glide
her ass.......

so what happened was


not what u think


but better

lady bird

stop hiding under conformities blanket
u are unique for one reason

because u always were meant  to be You
 and Only u

fall in love with yourself for THE moment
 every curious thing and quirk.

then realise

this u
 belongs
is meant to be
 is necessary
is an glitch in the system
that will change and reconfigure everything




im trying to craft a perfect letter...........................................................maybe I am the letter. cool !

it was one of those areas i know not to go the dogs would rush at me
 and with my fear of dogs..overwhelming fear of dogs
 (thanks sandy)
 it was diabolical and only right that in the mirror world of dreamscapes
that dogs were my guides
 using my fear to guide me away from the dark
 i learnt to trust them
love them even
 i still fear them
 but with a grudging respect
 they are me
 and in retrospect a lot of " things" learnt to fear me too.

"things" is not a euphemism

so i will tell it like a story

all human life is a story
 A fiction made true by the Gods of this earth
"you "and "I"
yes we are a narcissistic cancer . a plague on all that is.. the original SIN

(All we are is one great song weaving cohesion - micro/ quantum wisps into significance
a conspiracy of weak forces
 finding Gravity
in Being)

so yes
 part of this great escapade is Me

i am here to remind u how tenuous yet invaluable u are
 u are wonderfully and terrifying
u own the landscape that is your mind
 you act in kindness to the greater good
all those small acts of kindness

make flowers bloom
sex and orgasms
birth
smile
laugh
forgive

and the bad feelings
hate guilt
pain gatekeepers
the dis ease
causes an immune response
 a reaction

u see?  I knew u would

own your body
own everything you see
feel touch

not in a capitalist "use" meme"

but in a new Original way

own your body as in all u see is you
 make it happy
make it stronger
make it wiser
make all that is you .. your version of GOOD aka GODess


but i digress

the dreams have began again
but this time they seem void
like cut outs from a scene
 props without soul

this disturbs me
 it feels like death

i can see what should cause terror
 what should cause hope
what should cause relief
the props are there but the actors are not playing

it is an achingly beautiful yet desolate para disma/ para daizo

that is not all that has come back

the terrors

or what were terrors

and the "teachers "

more subtle than most. speak as to a stranger?!

so armed with my permission slips
my "declaration of independence"
Im going to awaken

LOVE

"I Am"

some of my old fears like distant canyon echoes
have reappeared
the need to be SEEN
The need to Prove
 the fear of irrelevance and the search for significance
 like snakes intertwined
on the healing tree

falling fruit unsavoured
rain on a river
a burning torch in the noonday sun
running from hell in swamp thick clay mud.. ok that last one is on mute
but the others echo,
i am forgetting my truths? am i re incarnating a defunct self

or am i just scared to trust my bliss. and doubting my joys

no this is not true either

Ahh
Im saying Goodbye.

No more baggage
no more obligations to falsehood

I am walking away
 saying Goodbye

This is Nostalgia

Dj
play my song

{ hahaha so this is me after a bottle of scotch. i will not edit or delete this one . its a keeper in all its junky typo glory!}i was going to whine about a sense of fading self.
going to bitch about not being here for my friends or myself
how perfect an ending i could be
because of the silence

silence
all the time
meaninglessness all the time
no one to speak to or confide my truest thoughts
because "i think "therefore I AM"

a thinking tree in an empty forest falls . one hand clap?


so i think these self flogging thoughts
 and repeat  them on an UP beat
living heaven in hell

living lust in love

find wisdom in chaos

i am krishna finding christ
shiva cutting life into little edible peaces for a new gods
a river through death into understanding

a blindfolded walk for a jaded god into NEW
a wakong child into love
 a scared friend into truth
 a chapter of warriors trusting self
a libertine leberated
a girl findind god exists within GODESS
and then..finding an escape hatch beyond conditioning


we exist in potential
 pretend truth and wisdom when both are NOT true
Only u are truth
eternal and majestic
walking thru the universe with verve and purpose
changing  and yet changeless
 the love in existence is YOU/US
the will Is YOU?US
what u see is always you