.................

there are no answers.
No questions.
No meanings
no puzzles
Just distractions and distortions
we are all trying to get back to ourselves
which by condition of being is so obscured
wondering a maze
of nothing but our forgotten selves
fragments in time and space
lines and angles
degrees and distance
All the colours of illusion

So...

On the NWO (the new world order)

Its already here , has been for a while in fact

On the Final Battle

the revelation

Its been going on for a while now . wake up

On the drawing of the lines ; the rapture, the awakening..

Its ongoing right now .

You must learn to see

learn to be aware

recant those false beliefs that allow you narcotic oblivion

The sweet opiate of denial

STOP refusing to acknowledge the death, destruction and suffering that IS JUST BUSINESS AS USUAL

Must it happen to your own flesh and blood for you to feel??

And does this not speak to the severity of your sickness

This dark apathy

This Comic release that should really be your despair?

There is a light within you that allows you to bear much , endure much

and still care enough about your soul to shield you from that final pain.

But this light can be so much more

It can make you and everything whole.

Love is not weak . It demands. It wills .It Grows.

It is of Light and is light,It is of truth and born of it

It is knowledge and grows through it .

It is not an emotion but through it all is felt. Felt deeply and passionately

To love is to be a passionate force of action. A joyful exuberance of being

It is the celebration and creation of all that is good and whole

It Demands. It wills. It is .True
The narrow path through dichotomy 
The key to paradox

Living is about choices. But Loving is about making the choice true.

You are here and now. Not to suffer or for pleasure. But because you Love. That these may come and are endured is that the Light may shine in all and within all . That no place be slaved to dark . That all may be balanced and all be redeemed .Your life may grant you karma, but with light and knowledge in love you will bring  Dharma and in this way light the dark.

On life; The rituals are just a shield. And most of life is Ritual.

The rituals may protect or they may imprison.

Of more use is knowledge and awareness.

And regaining the truth of Your self 

Reclaim your right to be a unique creation
To be yourself without fear 
seek the courage to live as your spirit moves you without need to conform


do not seek pride or acceptance as shelter
be that which is uniquely you
And your universe can be uniquely you
Dance your dance 
Sing your song
Speak your truth 
It's not rebellion . (you need not lash out unless you must !)
It's not distortion . It is speaking to, from and through the inner way that is truth and light 
and not by external coercion  or pressure or pains

It gets simpler.
 but at the beginning not easier
   for all you have known must be shed
    and all you hold dear must be stripped away
     and naked you must relearn not to be shameful
       and alone you must learn to be all
         and with all know that you are One

To do that good , and live that life i would choose if i had no fear.
To live in free will in light and love .Always.
amen

full circles

yes
where you are is who you are
and all that is ,is all we are


love is our gravity
the binder of realities
it's infinite depths revealed in creations diversity
this soul that is me
is the same as the time space i see
these faces i see
are the spirits with me
together we form the trinity of experience
in unities of divinity
in this all eternal Now



there is no time but now
no place but here
no creation without imagination

no god without limitation
Nothing to seek unless you seek to find
Nothing to want unless to know hunger
nothing to need except to discover greed

In a world without time
It is all  sublime
In a world without limits
It is all  play

When all is mirror
 AND ALL IS YOU.
all judgement is reserved
for all is Guru

----------- its all cyclical and spiral, Each path Is the Path. All ways are the way. just so long as you are aware.
Being here does not mean you are not there
and being there does not require you to leave here.just so long as you are aware.
Letting go does not mean that you do not care.
Though sometimes to love you must leave . to leave does not mean you love
It is all equal when you are one. Your power lies in knowing this then your journey has just begun

.......somewhere in the cyclical spiral that mobius built .
Life is intimate objectivity..It is being Here when you are the HERE. that is being . the distant subjective that allows you to tread lightly even as you dive deeply.
Tell your story . tell it well. For after all it is your Story. But live easy. After all it is Just a story. The best are always fun and after all you are the one who has to live it through.
Life is much like a Koan. touched most deeply by that silent  mysterious part of you .The one that allows you to be you .The nameless ones amused apprehension of THATness

...- these burning field sublime;
fall, touch, scratch , pain
that these moments are burnings seeds

just coz it rhymes
fall ,touch,scratch, pain

this is the animals epiphany
scratch , tear, feel , pain

and this is me phi me


tears , scratch , burn ,pain

but
sometimes
feel ,breeze, silk ,rain
and at other times

brusque. wheel ,move , pain

and yeah sway, its all right

after this music



we will remain

Its here
i can feel it it
smell it touch it

Merry X-mas

had the best day ever

love bubbled from family

from cherubic sisters who are fashionistas

from awesome uncles and aunties  who are willing to share a laugh and the secret of life

 from my young friends who give me acceptance and youth in return for an awkward hallo

from when dream , myth and fantasy tailgate my happy reality

It's hard to tell you what I feel when it spills over and happens all over the

place 

when all I imagine and posit finds home in this space

it's a walking dream

an unimagined place

but hey

Merry Christmas

welcome to loves embrace

Love you all!

beat down babylon

and live

listen

listen to the sun
listen to the wind
and listen to your heart beat
listen to the laughter
listen to the silence
and listen to us

hear the music
hear this moment
hear this day
hear the whispers within
and the shout without
hear
this
here now
 hear Me

that heaven was prepared for us.
that nothing exists.. but for us
that this paradise ..
It is for us
to entice us to stay
"come away, come away"

I dance to shatter
these laws that says i should sleep.

weary road 2010

I plead my cause
I scream for a cause
When I started this road
I had no Idea of the weight of "Alone"
The burden of truth
Of experience untempered
undiluted

un attached
all one

truly my insanity knows no bounds

turns out that hell is the spaces in between .
the time between choices


it exists right before goodbye
and the fear that precedes hallo


with each declaration I,m left empty
used but not useful


I,m scared to let go .
yet each crisis proves i must
..............................
.........................

if i was to write about this moment
i would say how sublime it was
i would talk about its mystickal connection and how alive it makes me feel
if i was to show you this moment I would hold you close and whisper it in your ear
let the molten magma of my soul engulf you very being
i would speak of cosmic poetry and human desires
of journeys taken in warm sapphire
of liquid light and time lapse desire
i would talk of the you that is I

Life

LIFE

Life is what happens to you in the process of achieving death. This brief interlude is filled with merriment ,pranks and hairy schemes that are only funny to the observers . There is no cure . And this condition is unfortunately deemed terminal(a prank in its own right)

ACROBATICS

This is a condition innate to married men. No one quite knows why it happens but it does Get you out of "Foot in Mouth "which personally I Think is the most acrobatic thing you can do (research pending.)

BOUNCING BABIES)

It is in the humble opinion of this researcher that there may be some truth to this puzzling phenomenon .In truth I had despaired of proving this phenomenon until baby #23.
Now if these kind gentlemen would take these constricting white jackets off .I would have a much more definite answer

CATS
The rulers of the universe seem to have it good in this culture.
The populace is well trained and even a hint of rebellion is quashed by their secret police (Harsh but Brutal) PETA

DOGS
Good eating in any verse

ETERNITY

Apparently, control on eternity is not just in the purview of one organization in this verse. . Unlike most, eternity is shared equally between the DMV and evangelist sermons


FISH

Are tired of having hooks in their mouth

to be continued  when i am bored  :)

play

Ok deal me back In!!

Play this moment for all its worth
Cease to pay for what is not now but was
Play again

Price paid over in endless refrain
Hurt and hurt and hurt again
 sought, asked and thought in vain
in sleep awake and in awakening weep

walk and walk till bone breaks concrete
Steep, Steep. the road is so steep
no succour no rest just weary feet
Sun burns wind blisters and somehow I keep

Its dark then light then dark again
its day its night oh no not again
please just stop i cant take the pain
Just show reveal and please be clear

now here, now there,  but where
look but don't touch & never ever care
yes its true its never ever fair
get on this ride and you paid the fare

up and down around and about
yes, that's it just be devout
never doubt
But you know what?  I'm done
I'm Out

there is this song that I love to play
I have no idea what they say
its a different language
but yet it speaks to me
 much like my life
I'm dancing to a song that  I cannot understand . Yet it speaks to me
 sometimes it spills through
 sometimes I feel like I could tell you what it is
 but its easier to dance to
so I just dance
that I am this dance is the message
 that I am this feeling is my being
 that I am
 that I am
 that I am
 I cannot tell you what I mean
 but just dance with me for a while
 listen to that cosmic drumbeat
 the harmonious chords of reason
 that soul cry of creation
 that pain of becoming and knowing and finally being that which you had never dreamed possible
that all that is, is the the dance
 that all that is, is the whirling dervish of what is to come
 because you are here now
 strike the chords of desire
 let you passions roar in supperstring symmetries
 let life spill in fluid dynamic
 and let the chaos of what may be reign
till  Ecstasies abound and lovetouched spirit runs free

and..

sometimes i wake up in epiphany
sometimes  i truly see
sometimes i can read the meaning of life in the winds
find  the song in a raindrop
taste truth in  kiss a
and be redeemed by a smile

sometimes at my  look  the sun will rise
 and  prayers take form and walk 
 and sometimes
these times  are  a dream of me

sometimes  i see
 that these sometimes are forever 
that this love that i thought sneaked in,
actually belongs here
 so with wild laughter 


i reach out and touch and 
you touch
 and in dance abandon 
 confirm
that we are

For every time I have doubted
for everytime I have sought respite
for each time I thought the world was falling
and everytime that I dreamed the worst
I forgive
sorry for the bumpy ride :)

Jah Give Thanks

Most high Jah
The most gracious and everlasting
this moment that is life is your gracious commitment
That the I should exist as everything and  anything
I'n'I
ever loving and ever living
Emperor of all that is and Is all that is
Judge and Justice
Forgiveness and mercy
 The sweetness of the fruit
the taste of the salt
the laughter of the children
and the humbling of the wise
Most High
For this give I thanks and praise
In Rejoicing  and dance
For the Most Holy is I in I

awakening

the distance between you ane God is the devils playground
where Fear and self doubt play eager hosts
Draw closer then, bridge the gap
Joy love and forgiveness
Await your embrace

there is this place  for you that awaits
uneraseable
coz you are irreplacable

there is this place that awaits
hearth, home and deep  desire
is right here
right now
completion, culmination
awakening
Right now

The Word

Lord God Hearth Home Self Spirit Light, I Am.

Me Here Now Feeling  Prayer  Love Experience .

Intend Create Will Feel Experience be.

Now Abundant Creation Joy Bliss Excitement  God Home Hearth Lord.

Know See.Light. Ecstasy Gnosis Word Journey, Be feel.

Now And now and now ..

Peace begin ; Be live, Be come, be here ,be heal, be now ,be me

All spirit ,All Christ, All now in me.

spaced out

sensing a disconnet

twixt here and now

between who Is and who is living

in the cracks revealed

I see my vitality spilling in unseen waterways

 the light spilling through is shadowed by unseen clouds

Life coughed through sacred & profane  glyphs

imprisoning the moment that is I

in light bars of my own torn limbs

a maze of my entrails

spilled for me to read my destiny

written out in mud coloured parchment that looks like my skin

and most annoyingly

I find  I understand

hallo

hallo wakes up with a smile
and and a goodnight that is no longer a goodbye sleeps with a sigh
upturned lips  from dreams that sailed ships
And from this sleep that is no sleep
A light escapes the dark and shines in the great deep
awakening a truth that
 cant and wont keep

upkeep

In this life it is not so much the pursuit of truth But the living of the truth that is important. This is the only way to survive this world of maze and illusion . With one hand reach out and touch the truth and no matter the turns and twists of the maze you can relax in  the knowledge that you will never be lost .

And allow others their own journey , pay closer attention to their True intentions than to their seeming "knowledge" . Do not get lost in  the power struggle of the ego game . where proving rightness is more important ,where the argument and debate trumps the cause and light of truth.
All "cry out to God" in all  languages and in all pursuits .For the lucky few the Cry is one of awe but for most this cry is so distorted by the ***** that the cry comes out as a cry of terror, a cry of rage , a cry of anger or a cry of meaninglessness . Understand this and gently guide back . Use the tools required by  the situation not the demands of a ravenous ego demanding satisfaction of place in  the scheme of things . Give what you have to give and move on. Do not seek to take back recompense as servitude , humility or shame . And if you do, forgive yourself . We are all walking the same journey . We each have our own crosses and dark  adaptations made pre-conscious to this undertaking .
Keep to the true laughter and happy smile , shrug off shame and guilt :But not before facing them Full on with the light that is within you . Do not hide from your failings/dark adaptations .See them and move on alert to their mutations , and soon they will fade . Walk lightly and happily . Let go and let be . Do not hate you! u are here now and each day is a chance to shine and discover more light. Love this of yourself .

The true part of you . The home of your soul is Sinless, deathless and eternal. Endlessly curious and joyful. Infinitely creative and overwhelmingly generous . Go on now . Play. This game is almost at an end . The score is even . No more handicaps! Go

"There are no limits, just beliefs. So you always got to expand on that....."

letter to my friends

Was thinking about the time loops/ de ja vu thing.The way things seem to be occurring in a way that suggests they have been lived before. That one is in A "predestined " place /experience or occurrence.
I just had a repeat of that feeling when i sent the email out
it hit me when i reached this passage :
".... the only real veil that exists is between the 3rd dimension and the 4th and higher dimensions of reality. This was created as a way of focusing the physical experience that was to be had on the 3rd dimensional reality.
It was a way by which those who entered the 3rd dimension largely forgot their own origins and their own reason for coming into physical existence. This was done so that once a soul aspect entered into physical life they could become completely immersed in the physical life, the physical drama that they were experiencing...."

It immediately connected with me and I felt the distinct feeling that This place and this moment had been lived before .
The place that I am in , the people around me ,everything achieved a state of familiarity .you know what I am talking about . The moment from then until I sent the original e-mail seemed to have been required .

. I hope this does not have you thinking of white jackets and padded cells for me he he
But the sense that I need to communicate what used to occupy my life and that which has in essence become my life is now overpowering . I find it more and more enjoyable to join in  events that  enrich or are  in accord to what I Feel are Truths . I find joy in dwelling on , thinking on and appreciating the implication of these in me and my realities
It puts into context my entire life , My friendships and My Family . And makes me treasure each much more as i seem to find more and greater meaning . and the Love that placed me in these circumstance is revealed .
All my pains and struggles are made plain , and all things are made clear . Yes I still struggle and still stumble but only till I place the present moment in true and proper context then move on .

-There are levels of truth and each perceives these things according to choice and custom . Levels of awareness and comprehension/belief define the nature of your realities .
-"The truth Shall set you free" is not an empty Truism.
-That he came to set captives Free is the truth , And that knowing you are a child of God and accepting the truth of this Within you is the "Way The truth and the light is not a truism .
-That the end is near is also true , but not in a Sadomasochistic Fire and brimstone way . This Is my Truth and hopefully you share it too in whatever language or metaphor you have chosen to wrap it in .

The Bondage that I know of and we all have proof of is That system that is in place to prevent All and any from Being Free Spirits . and Knowing the indestructible nature of the soul.
The system that perverts the very purpose of your being and Blasphemes The holy Spirit by making less of you and causing you to worship "Other" gods and seek succour and happiness without.
For this the great teachers incarnated , Jesus , Krishna, Buddha ,Moses . and all those unnamed ones of Our black Heritage which the dark ages sought to erase and eradicate in Blood Sacrifice and the burning of books of knowledge .

The History of Your soul and The History of the world Are Two distinct and separate things .

Your Soul is of GOD the Father/Mother/First Cause.
And the essence of You is This Holy spirit . You have incarnated as Body As Man and the story of your Soul Is of Creator Creation , Fall/Bondage/ And finally Apocalypse (Greek root :taking off of the mask) the revelation .

The History of the World Is one in which the Drama takes place , Where the rulers of the world seek To mask the truth and enslave mankind and use him as a resource . This is the reason for Colonization, Indenture , Servitude ,Slavery and the Artificial Reward system encoded in an Economy .

This Is the reason for Religion ,Science ,Hierarchical institution, Deceptive Language and other Encryption codes used to limit Self expression and Self Ideation and Self realization . The idea is subjugation ,confusion , and exhaustion in vain endeavor.
A proper phrase I forget where I read it was the "..mask of "Mass ,Meaning and Mystery" "

That Mankind in his Current Incarnation was created (not abracadabra let there be : but actual Biological engineering ) In Africa And that He that rebelled and attempted to free him Is still extant there................... Well that is a long story But its results are the result of human History ( BTW the oldest Civilization is not Caveman but is a fully functional Urban and Industrial base in South Africa about 75000 yrs earlier than that which is allowed for in Text books) Google earth is soo cool!......

I digress
The most Important truth (And this is my truth )
Is That Who I am and Who You Are . Is An eternal , Indestructible Being That exists Now and Evermore .
That All of us Humans share this First Cause And Spirit as Origin of Self .
That Where you Are and who you are is a choice . One among The infinite choices you have and will make .
That All this that you see feel here and now and that you share this with others is an endeavor born of True love and Co-creation. an amalgam of independently envisioned and communally shared .
That Its Corruption and its pain Is The result of a Bondage . An upheaval that has led to an Imprisonment thru loss of Self Identity/Knowledge and memory.
and that Gnosis/Self Knowledge is the Key out .

It is a personal Soul journey. An epic undertaking that began at the beginning of time . that though for a moment It has led to this Dark place That denies us freedom , corrupts Shackles us and makes us live in Dis-ease . The Journey is ending . It is the End time , and The truth Shall set you free .

The great thing about the truth (i.e What IS ) is that it is ineradicable. It Is WHAT IS .and cannot be erased . All that can be done is to veil it , shuffle it about , turn it around and upside down .

all That can be done and Indeed has been done is to present a glamour ,An illusion , a magicians Distraction and sleight of hand to distract you from it .
IT IS and always will be .Seek and ye shall find ,Truly See and Truly Hear .
That which dies never lived . and that which lives can never die .

I am the same Today yesterday and forever
I Am that I Am.
This day you Shall be with me in heaven.
Accept Christ as your self and as within you .
You are sons of God.

There has been some obfuscation and confusion and sleight of hand . No wonder magic is called a dark art  :)
This Is the end time to and For deception

Choose freely and accept that you are of The Spirit and truly consider the implications of this. You will be surprised at How this will free you , how many sins fade away . How forgiveness will become What is and how many Burdens will Fade away .
The transient Illusion of WHAT IS NOT must pass
The Blind See
The Dead are raised
The "Evil" Spirit is cast away
The lame Walk
The Sickness is healed
And most Importantly: The captive is set free !

What is of the flesh is of the flesh and what is of the spirit is of the spirit . there is no "Sin" that cannot be healed .I believe that it is a coded truth that Jesus chose to say "your sins are forgiven" when healing .

This is my Truth
I share it with you

This is My journey
I share it with you

This is my Gnosis

It is not complete but I am getting there . For at its end We will all be healed. ( I say this with utter conviction !- Healing is not metaphorical )

as above so below . Thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven... These my truths . and I hope to make them yours as well in truth as well as in deed .

This is my Journey and as you are with me and have been dear to me . I believe that it has been Our journey . the love that creates and that Is Does not allow for Unnecessary /trivial occurrence . Nothing is That was Not Intended to be .
My perceptions are limited as this incarnation , But the Spirit That IS and that  I AM is not .

I have rambled longer than i expected but i believe no longer than I must.
My language , and the order in which I write is a product of my upbringing and experiences . Look beyond the words to the meaning that is most true to your Language /Order /Concepts . It is all the same road but each soul chose its own road .

Spread and Be : Peace Love Joy and Blessing
Do not do what you hate .
Do not curse at what and where you Are
Your light will be revealed soon and In this Now
only just believe !!
ONLY JUST 'BE- LIVE' :)
-and this too shall pass
I empower you by my faith and spirit and by all that I am in this Now . To touch with your spirit what you have truly sought. See and Be that which is most Desirable in your heart of hearts .


share what parts you wish with those who love you careful not to harm .Do the greater good and lift someones heart to day in whatever way you know how !

ok so...

- It is all within ; then mirrored without

-It is all intent before being .

-Causation is intent, process is symbolic and system based ..Arbitrary.

-To know is to be.

-To doubt is to resist .

-Where you are , who you are and what you are are basically the same question .

-What IS though, cannot be understood piecemeal nor  self comprehend through  the fragments of function and consequence

-Worship no gods and bear no Idols . None "Other" exists

-Do not do what you hate.

-Do not believe in concepts or ideas that espouse limitation.

-Love is a and The natural state within existence . It may  be suppressed or ignored but never created anew. Embrace , accept and express this .

-What you see is not what IS but the symbols within perceptual context.

- You do not learn . You recognise and recall. All Is and is within .

-The true history of the world ,may not /probably is not the history taught to you. Neither is it the History of your Soul.

-Existence is eternal and indestructible, yet you may transcend even this.

-Everything is alive but not everything is en souled .This is the cause for the war and interference

-What I am is tripartite Spirit- Soul- Body

Spirit is Source and is the essence of all MotherfatherBe.

The Soul is the vehicle of subjective experience

The Body contains the matter for experiencing ( my words for my own use :))

-A True soul is androgyn and beyond duality.

-***I /we live in an amnesiac state intentionally induced in earthly existence .

-I/we live in an amnesiac state Intentionally induced in this earthly existence.

-We are enslaved in this Life and in bondage

-That we/some of us, now have an inkling of this does not mean we are free. Knowledge does NOT free .

-Freedom is BEING Free

Symbolically we are manifesting this bondage in what we perceive as mental ,physical and psychological processes . We create a huge data bank of "process " and "science" . This knowledge , Scientific or religious is useful for only one thing , to make you recognise and give legitimacy to  your Bondage . It will never free you .Unless it helps you break out of the system itself . Studying the prison and making it a better prison is useless!

-Everything in this system places shackles on you . Including Mass ,Space and Meaning (i.e  need .)

Where then is the key? How do you free yourself from an endless maze ?

Destroy the sense that any achievement within the maze is REAL. Feel free to break the rules and walk out /climb out and be . Do not do what you hate . Do not do what is inimical to a free spirit. Find yourself and true identity through self knowledge , forgiveness .Self acceptance and understanding . Know that you are Spirit soulfully existing ; eternal, indestructible and without limit. You are a flow of life that will never end

-Each soul has had its own journey,each is distinct  but each share the same 1st event . That is our oneness. Not amorphous homogeneity  but unity of origin . We may not recognise each other right now, but we are of the same Mother/father/Parent.

You Are Creator Eternal

I Am Creator Eternal

I Am Who I AM

and So are you

That which  truly lives Shall never Die ,but That which  dies  never lived

I am the way the truth and the light..

Lift a stone and I am there , Split a piece of wood and I am there ...

Seek and ye shall find....

None comes to the Father except thru ..... get the drift Oh Child Of God!?

-

to be continued

musings

Hell. It exists for everyone, Just not the sadistic flame and torture one  (though that exists too for the believer!) But for all a hell exists . Which  is simply the polarity of the principle one has transgressed . The placement of one in a circumstance that one has feared .In the place one has performed an outrage against .

One gets out of an event/experience when one transcends the system under which the circumstance exist Or Comprehends the System underlying the situation .If the system is nullified then one is free of both system and circumstance . It has no more bearing on ones self. No effect . One is free.
Or one can within the system attain comprehension that allows one to change the balance and experience the opposite polarization of the event .

..the process (..of comprehension.) is represented by symbolic/ metaphorical representations of difficulties as are acceptable within the system . For example , Distance Time Space Energy and Or Aesthetics and Pain etc, etc.

Transcendence evades the system entirely , avoids the reward systems symptomatic of the "system" itself. One merely is where THAT is seen as it truly IS . 'All at once' and 'Now'

I am where I Am. But what system am I participating in ? what are its reward systems /its obstacles . see its polarities,  Comprehend & Choose ; Attain or transcend . Play ? or be ?

In comprehension within the system I can consciously attain the heights of the rewards Within the system on its scale of polarity...
But in transcending My relationship to the system is beyond and above , my movements are Mine alone and placement within the system would be "miraculous/magickal. No restrictions , no bondage .

..In totality, All lies within the realm of comprehension . Intimate and complete comprehension eliminates "process"

We have been bred to seek our rewards within the system.... But this conditioning Is easily broken . If one Chooses to . the difficulty lies in the addiction .

(Dedicated to ignorance)

I found my fire and it scares me
thunder pales
the truth is in me
each day I am torn , and each morn born anew

the pain has become the norm

I am knocking ..on heavens door ,
I think...
Is Jesus even his name
Is Yahweh game
I wished to be a mendicant in life
A monk and a monastery
because this life had no meaning to me

It’s all illusion and sleight of hand
the gifts are undeserving .
what was ours was taken ,and what mattered most was turned to dust .
My best Teacher, thinks that I am insane .

But even before i was in darkness spelled
I saw heaven
Felt the pleasure that bespoke pain
I struggle to explain myself because just maybe I am wrong.
So many people look to me for hope
But what if I, am wrong
What if I did not see what I think I saw
What if light is dark and right is wrong.
And my feeble mind in so far  reaching
has broken



the engines of my will are driven solely by fear
At last faith was  betrayed

I was a broken toy
A sentient puppet without a puppeteer

A ghoul full of anguish and pain
totally vain
with friends friendless
unclothed but not naked

feeling so deeply but showing  not at all
what keeps me going is knowing that I have been loved
and that in loving embrace ,observed
the universe

yes my insanity knows no bounds , and my observations are infinite
you are here
because
I am here ,and when I am gone you are not
yes this is a lie that pleasures me
and when its gone I am not,
and without this all I have is not purpose but Doubt


I am the master of my universe
A martyr to my own cause

the serpent in his own garden .I want so much for those I love
I want apparently more than I can give
my alms are beyond my reach

and my reach beyond my arms

I want to be honest with myself
Naked
cant do it though
so many masks are necessary to me being me
I live by sleight of hand
I owe all I am to deceptions
not to be unkind but to be me

forgive me world
samsara

this Is This

"So, realize; you are no more than what you accept yourself to be and will thus experience that in endless cycles."


Each and all journeys hint at this message. It starts out as a haunting call, a knowledge that there is more . More what? What do I lack to be ‘me’? What will answer this call?  What is ‘me’? And why is it not complete and what will it take ...God? Power? Wealth?Distinction?

There is this knowledge from within that there is more to this existence. That if this missing essence is known you will know yourself. You will leave the 99 sheep and search for the One, and in finding it realize what you were lacking, this  essence that completes results from acknowledging the essence of what  actually and truly IS.

In this journey and this search. The biggest obstacle is what you think you know; when in actuality you know nothing. Everything is upside down, and the truth lies down the rabbit hole.

Empty yourself completely and as a child approach each thing with new eyes empty of assumption or pride. Or suffer the abuse of all your conceits being twisted and torn , Find all that you think you are, your very sense of self being torn from you. Ripped apart with savagery.

Seeking that one sheep. That one that you are sure will make you whole will reveal to you who you are. This knowledge will free you and give you peace. In this search and the struggle of the journey you will learn to understand and know and cherish what you truly are and never knew you had.

It’s funny, rich...

This veil on the divine, this great illusion that separates you and has you lost and bewildered.

This great evil, this sin that has left you incomplete. It is  paradoxically the garment you use to cover you nakedness, the blinding glamour you use to hide you shame. This luciferian glow that "gives you back your pride" and offers you the whole world in exchange for your crown and bended knee. Yet the Kingdom is already yours!

Its funny, it’s rich...

That the truth lies closer to you than your own skin. That what you seek has always lain within. It was and is and has always been with you already . In abundance.
Yet with thought and struggle and strife you journey endlessly climbing ambitions towers, scaling the mountains of power.

O proud and noble being.

Cast out of heaven by one simple and singular lie:

That you are not THAT. And in that single, elegant and subtle wushu. A perfectly placed spiritual jiu-jitsu . In your own power you were tricked into believing you were less than Suns of God .Your own powers used against you, The power in motion, that mighty force expended in a single and mighty fall .( the essence of wushu , of war, is deception.)

A fall made greater by even further whispers; "That the mighty never fall!"

So now you seek that which is greater , journeying further and further from that which was your true self . Abdicating your throne and seeking, proving struggling, fighting, building up that great arena that great drama that now lies before you.

It’s truly rich .  The prodigious power expelled creating that magnificence that is all you . Its the greatest story ever told. It’s the great drama. And the entire universe is the stage in which it plays out. The journey back requires the acceptance of your crown. That you are that which you have sought. There must be no doubt, No animosity, No regret, No Sin.

All is forgiven.
All is now Love and laughter  and joyful tears for you  have found the lost sheep. And in finding it see it is a sheep like any other And you had them in abundance.
It truth you own them all!

Reading through it feels like I’m being, glib but that is not my intention.

 I feel this way because of my pride.

I feel this way because the truth hurts, because it shows me up for a fool. And this allows me to get angry and anger would help me resist. Angry enough to turn away. And for a little bit longer hold on to the seductive comfort of the lie that I had thoroughly believed was me. It’s like death. It's frightening, it’s humbling and it is inevitable. Because it is true.

I feel this way because my beliefs and my knowledge unto this point has always demanded difficulty and humiliation. A sacrifice worthy of the "great truths". A barter of pain and little pieces of my soul. I realize how deviously subtle my conditioning and my Illusions have been. And how closely I identify my entire self/being and purpose with them. It’s like working thru a seven year college course on a demanding subject then being told it was all an elaborate hoax or lie. Funny? NOT.

But truth is funny that way. When you stop assuming you know and really see. Stop looking for what comforts you but rather what stuns you. Do not be afraid of being stripped naked. The truth hurts because for so long our most intimate love has been a lie. Pride does not like this one bit. Everything you know yourself to be has been wool pulled over your eyes. The emperor is naked and that cannot, must not, be .So we all of us live a lie. Alone out in the cold and die of consumption.

Don’t hide yourself from yourself. Bare your heart, your soul your very being. Really seek. Really be in that bridal chamber and be reunited with that which is most intimately you.

There are no blemishes, No sin, No recriminations in that complete and utter acceptance that is the true love and is your true identity .

Cherish your life
This expression that is you
Cherish what you have seen and have been
cherish the times that changed at your whim
the seasons as they march past 
cherish this holy communion with creation and creator
cherish the spirit that moves you
and is you
Nothing is accidental
and nothing is hidden unless you mean to seek it
Cherish this now and do not worry
For all that is is cherishing you

No pilgrimage  is needed
no master or sage
No Guru
there is no thing hidden in this montage
its all equally here and present
as soon as you Stop
Be here and be still
cease being the forment of your own storms
Cease being the most valiant of your advaersaries
why hoard when the bounty is infinite
Let it all flow
walk light and easy
be as happy as you want to be
be  the river that flows
dont damn yourself with stale waters
and let go of all else
be naked and pure

my dream

In dreams of time and space
I found me .
In dreams of strife and struggle I fought me
In dreams of light and dark I saw me
In journeys long and hard  I sought me
In songs of joy and pain I heard me
when love is bold I know me
And beyond here and there , I am
still dreaming this dream that is me

choice is limitation

i do not mean this in a negative way but choice is limitation

the precondition of being here is limitation
 again
i do not mean this in a negative way
this is a place to perceive
 a way to see
 a point pf contact with the beyond
 a way to see

 otherwise it is all seen , all now , all here and all  you
 till you choose to be a certain way
 it is all One way

no heaven no earth
 just us

a dream transfusion...

in the dream it felt like an exploration, a meditation

a high tech evolution opening new vistas and realities. An implosion that was as much an explosion into the unknown universe,

stars rushed by and galaxies streamed past and what was and could be reached out to each other at wild and fantastic speeds

the Spirits rejoiced, the teacher Learned, the healer Healed, and the searching soul found his road. Mathematical elegance and philosophical harmonies raced at the speed of light

in the dream was a feeling, an overview that this was us

that We, I, You and All held hands and melded minds. Conjoined spirits in emotional ecstasy as hearts sought, reached and thought and consciousness expanded.
We, I, You us lived.
Racing through galaxies till the artifact of their passing was blurred light and stroboscopic enlightenment flickering in the spaces between. There was nothing that was not light of love all rushing and whooshing by.

in the dream there was excitement. Desire and curious breathless joy

And in the dream were the detritus and wreckage of those that had gone before

also far in different dreams were alien voices calling from far along, also on the same road. Ahead too were more than us. Those  who had gone thus far and no further and still further on. More ...and more..

in the dream the ride was getting harder, more turbulent. The fast furious speeds were now at once exhilarating and scary

untouched ground on hallowed roads. Unheard harmonies and philosophies were required to express what now was and had to be seen

new ways of being, new math =new path

new philosophies of new realities and what had seemed to be alien tongues now seemed to be our own voices reaching back to us out of turn. Asking for more from us,

We, I, You were disturbed, this galactic vessel of exploration was shaking in the turbulence of new understandings. What eyes saw could not possibly be seen. Had never been seen. The mathematics had never hinted at these new musics. These new octaves strained our being and we sought to let our spirits soar Even as our consciousness receded, repulsed by the extraordinarily strange, the wonderfully new

in the dream; me, you, we sought simpler metaphors. The speed, growth and the fantastical velocities that made streaking lights pace seem glacial. The paroxysms of epiphany needed to be filtered into easier tongues so...
in the dream, what eye has not seen became the far reaches of the galaxy.
this joyous discovery and growth was now the explosive seed of interstellar reach and travel.

The epiphany of the sage. The dervish dance of the Sufi. The cold winds of intellect and the loving embrace of All as consciousness and being . What ear has not heard became that ineffable word. That paradoxical call from within that sings of home

in the dream the simpler metaphor became I, You, Me, We

In the dream the billions of voices on this journey became simple passengers on a voyage. In space. In time and among the stars

And the path of lights, of knowledge and growth. In the dream this became a simple road

And the turbulence of discovery. The rough test of the unimaginable clashing with the known became the grooves and the rocks on the path jostling and juddering. Slowing us down through necessity and caution.

In the dream, now seeing what was as a seeming, we knew we must seek respite, seek understanding, visit repairs and succor on ourselves and this "vehicle" that we traveled on this "road ".

We all had seen the detritus and the wrecked remains of those that had gone before. We had passed those who had waved at us from the sidelines. We were their dreams of what may be, the tantalizing tales of the wanderer



AND... We pulled over the car. Off the road, we definitely needed repairs and improvements, everyone was giddy at how far we had come, but everyone knew we would have to make some serious adjustments and repairs. The "fuel” needed to be changed /replenished. The "vehicle” was hurting, and needed some serious help

Surely someone could help and assist, some tips perhaps?

And right there in the dream was an impression of a being, a person, there was just a suggestion of a face, and a suggestion of a body form that felt like a tree. I swear that was what it felt like

The "being " explained to us that there had been/were/is different options for propulsion. I/you/we got the impression that this journey had been undertaken before by different "peoples/ways of being (?)" in their own 'vehicles'. All the while in the dream the superimposition of different perspectives, i.e. regular off road trail, and galactic /interstellar journey and the idea of spiritual growth kept flipping. Somehow they seemed to overlay each other as reflections or impressions of the same Idea.

On the Basic Off road vehicle metaphor which I felt was the one I knew I would have the most access to once I awoke. The being seemed to be showing us the choice of different Fuels. It was getting funny at this point because it felt like a gas station with all the symbols for different fuels. Except I also knew that this Fuel meant "How-the-vehicle-is-moved" and vehicle meant actual beings.

Anyway on the board were different 'fuels '. The being seemed to explain each as it truly was I got the impression of 4-5 styles of Fuel/propulsion /How-the-vehicle-is-moved". One was the seeming of pure light as a pure...something... I know exactly what it is but lack the word or equal expression of this, there was one more which totally was over my head then there was one that I immediately recognized, in my head I transformed the symbol. Into gasoline with the little drip of oil on in. I immediately got the understanding that this was Fuel made from "What -once- was- living”. I got the distinct impression that this was an intentional translation of a concept of 'Fuel/propulsion /How-the-vehicle-is-moved" on my part. It involved a pressure on the living and what remained of the living. It was propulsion by tapping the living for their death. Sucking out their living essence. It really hit me hard.

Then I saw the last one. A Fuel/propulsion /How-the-vehicle-is-moved. It had the look of magenta, red and violet. And I got such a sense of life! Life joy and so much Aliveness!! (Yeah set the word sheriff on me) but just as I was trying to fathom how this could fit into my idea of Fuel. The being made me understand. That in this new "way of moving" this "new way of getting there" of being. The fuel And the vehicle were one. There was no use of one thing to "move” another. There was a joyous exchange and recycling and self propulsion as one. With no consumption so to speak... The growth. The journey was an implosion as well as an explosion. Getting there was accomplished by "being (?) There?

There was a need to not rely so much on the previous fuel( gasoline/hydrocarbons/using up of lives ) our problem in the journey was the relying on this form when We were actually this New FUEL. I will not be trite and say what you already are thinking. But in my dream we stayed a while to renew ourselves and learn about how we would propel ourselves on our own joy on our own new way by being joyfully and completely ourselves. Farming no one, exploiting nothing and enslaving none.

I wake up

But I feel the call of the dream. And I know that the alien songs and voices that seemed to call from afar out of time and understood were only ourselves up ahead yet now. Pure and freed from the old propulsions and in a vehicle that needed nothing but I, You We, - Pilot/ Fuel/ Vehicle

the story told :2

In  the story told the story that is you , what do u do next?-that is where the attention goes.
 That is the next creation, the next frame . Each frame is new ,each prevous scene  is gone you are dead and reborn ,  hwnever you are about to pick the next scene you will notice the gibbering voices within which are born of conditioning and trained beliefs STEAL ur ability to freely choose the nxt scene in ur story!


The sun breaks thru the clouds in different spots showing beams of light ...a seeming illusion of seperate lights or a seperate existence from the light. Or a seperation between intent/attention and Creation. They are one and the same . The gentler Creeds and teachings retrain or recondition you by telling you to simply follow your bliss . This allows you to use a 'general field ' of intent to cover a variety of outcomes (thus helping u sidestep the ingrained beliefs of control and limitiation that cannot allow you to have a single directed focus /A single intent leading to a single Ordained action!(thnx k:)) ,it helps you sidestep the energy draining field of doubts and  thus leaving them unchallenged u can hopefully have a less stressed life) This general field allows you to seed a variety of acceptable futures as opposed to a point to point directing and intentional creation  to be ur guide .

BUT the trained and chained parts of u ,the unconcious and suboncious parts of u keep creating regardless . This is why most cannot/do not walk on water , the moment they could choose to do so , the conditioned Man creates a whole host of I CAN'T moments , difusing focus and creating vast field so full of opposites and reasons not to  and the general field of probabilities is populated by  these. So following the path of least resistance , the condition man "reasonably" "chooses " not to do the thing  and chooses otherwise . The -ve attention created is the next scene ,not the desire or choice itself but the antidote is the chosen manifestation...Free at last My God we are Free at last!!!

The conditioned man:- These -ve associations and beliefs ,the illusion of time and space and the human form /construct(DNA /Mind etc). These lock your Cosmic attention and focus into a place where it creates not what u will but the reasonable choice or antidote.

You may own a wonderful car , a night black limited edition ferrari ,But u r not ur car and u would laugh out loud if this was suggested. yet we live as though this were true , allowing ourselves to only create Wonderfull roads, curvy roads and straight fast roads , and oppulent gas stations, and when we feel most creative we create new rims , limiting all we are, to creating new vistas for The Car.
When we are daring we create wings for the car , most dont , its not the "cool" thing to do , its not a car anymore , it will be destroyed , burnt or ignored,


your conditioning and beliefs are what define ur path of least resistance . define what you create . where u r is the result of ur focus of attention which is esentially what and who you as "Self" are .
Body, Forms and Constructs  are illusuions, better to think of your "self" as the point of interaction , the attention given , the story told by the story teller that is you . and focus on where u are and choose what comes next , tell small stories , tell simple stories the greater story is always told thru these .



U R not ur body , do not limit possibilities based on this , create what you will and you will get there

tears of joy for the moment
moments of bliss
that now is found
and now is known
the dawning of sun and the singing of  songs most loud and happy
while tasting touching and feeling slimy fresh rained mud squilching between happy laughing running feet of  dew spawned cherubs
chasing bubbles of maybe and what if
in heady fresh soft blowing winds of why not
climbing low boughed trees of how and high to reach out for rich juicy fleshy bites of me me
and now
sighs with bliss
and now
how could i miss

counted roads

i don't know what path will take me
from here to there
all i know is that
Lord help me
I'm still here
Ain't gone nowhere
am still here

if there's a road
that I should take 
a chain that links me
that's yet to break
Just tell me where
All i know is
I ain't gone nowhere
Lord help me
am still here

If every road is everywhere
then where i am is no where
lord help me
I am still here

stories of self :5

its that last glance that lingered
that last scent wafting through your being
the light that lasts through closed eyes
the moment at the cusp.
When the song seems to sing you
 and the joy brings tears through your eyes
its that fading whisper
the loudest silence form the harp
the space between movements
the moment at the cusp
that is your heaven
that is you
that is that

when light is the message
water responds in plashing reflection
when the light dawns, souls awake in sleepy seclusion
when smiles break
hearts responds in pleasant confusion
when i get tired of rhyming
i take an alcoholic infusion
cheers! hhhehehhehe HA!

a revelation

yet in  even in the mist we commonly touch even when  we  misunderstand we whirl and dance with careful joy.

this is the way it shoud be . this difference that we call respect
And we should all call it love.

do not ignore
that each of us is a burning star
each with a unique signature
the clashing of which creates true passion
born of the true love which is the curious want
To be more: so when our ways pass ,in giving ,we are not subtracted but in love itself magnified

Remember; All passion is born of love, Hate, Anger, Fear ,Desire,Jealousy , despair .

It is the power that regardles of Reason drives the engines of the creation and gives hope to the uncreate

this is the story of man

the androgynous . Nous

the true Id

NOW WAIT TILL YOU LIVE THE LIFE OF SUNS IN THE WHIRLING AND VIOLENT VOID

Indeed and in deed we have just begun. from anothers soul to mine

when i am nought but dust and foam

worry not

for when we both call fo one more embrace . i will be born to one of your own



but right now

realise

that all this that you see is the miracle of you .

your desires and challenges

Say: it is a mirror of my soul

my nightmares and dreams

my journeys and what i really don't know how to see

these open wounds

this resistance is my level of veracity not impurities

not as judgement but as choice

at this moment in time i have chosen to question my fundamental beliefs and motifs of being

However i look at  it, seems i keep walking the same path with different masks .. and now? t

I am glad to be real

no more masks

no more begging to be anything but

my love .  all love unconditional

and its gaze wont waver for my sight is clear

i see 

and quest for my truth . for that which is yours is mine is yours  or we would never have chosen to share .This.

let go of ego

let go of guilt

let go of ambition

be true and be You

nothing is harder but yet no thing is else is ...

i /us

here/now

open your eyes

it is your freedom

dance like a dervish

move  take  wing  and rise 

we are the ones we have been waiting for

the ones they spoke of yore

In this moment we must delight

in your majesty lies our humility, our HUMANITY

revel in your excellence .

most righteous of beings

the most pure , for there has been no sin till you named it

no fear till shadows crossed into your memory and the light was hid

....and now what a feeling . this crazy electric feeling .This thrumming in my veins my bones my skull. This electric rent in real.  where my senses touch the fabric reels.
peace god

It Is "All" One with "me"

There is no loss in  what you choose just experience that you prefer

There is no exchange between the all and the bound

The true I sees all at once and dwells in all at once .

Don't fret or search , You are already the All. Do not let the separated and fear based self allow itself to feel inferior and need to be enlightened, Just inform it that it dwells in the infinity and  that it will always and in "all ways " be welcome within it in any capacity in any way. It is not a contest. Selves are a part of, but never 'apart' from the whole .

Whenever you gaze into the infinity do not fear the awe that you feel. Do not see your 'self' as one not belonging in the all.Do not think that you, you joining and bathing in its unfathomable depths  will mean the loss of the 'Self' the 'you/me'  that has been all that you have known till now.
Do not see this expanse as death.
Each and All is equally existant and to one is granted the infinite joyful exploration and the other offers the wondrous expanse of infinities for the selfsame exploration yet all are one .

...it may be that the problem is not  ego per se. It is that we have settled for and identified ourself with  weak and puny form of our true self .An ego with a little 'e' instead of the capital 'E'go. A diminished and damaged ego . that owns its limitations and holds on to its sickness with a fierce and perverse identification.
Ego should expand grow be strong be proud be big and glorious as it is a glorious being . self assured .powerfully present .Brimming with love and assured-ness and boundless curiosity . willing to dare all .Curious and fear free. Free to explore . To Be . The true And One I.

powder blue clouds

I saw a blue cloud peeping shyly through dark storm clouds



with sun silvered ruffles it slowly pushed through and in a powder blue cotton puff push it caught my eye


i don't know how or why but it gave me a certain high


a pleasant buzz like from gentle dreams barely remembered at dawn


or the feel of still lurking warmth on the pillow next to your head


chocolate cocoa


and the softest of warm breaths


the long missed friends and the treasured memories


and a soft barefoot tread


.....so i called friend

A Friend

friends , fickle friends


reluctant when there is need

sniggering when you bleed

listening to your pleas with barely hidden glee

and greed

Strong friends

Bright and true

to your aid unbidden

in their smile nothing is hidden

and in wounds shared

and breast bared

the very tempest they dare

true souls run true

false souls yield bitter and sour fruits

let us true friends let our laughter ring like the clearest bell

our joys flow like the sweetest waters

and our sorrows they will make the poets weep

at the depth and breadth of the unveiled self

the spirit of friends dear and true

its all good

despite of and inspite of the struggles we live
its worth it
 for this is the power we give
we are in creation complicit
 and in beauty explicit
Be free and be safe
 you should know that joy is the only way to go
 love is the only reason to be
 now is the time to realise
open your eyes and be free
 you need not fantasize

the struggle endured
 the passion persue
 the passion is your due
 and the universe is you playground
 of mind soul and spirit
 each sense  each acomplishment

Do not fear death

like birth it is nothing but a transition

let go of your beliefs

let go of the old constructs

let go of the old ideas

let go

let go

let go

question everything

not out if cynicism and despair but out of curiosity

be a child , each day be filled with furious joy and laughter

each day wake refreshed and newly born

each day find yourself in a new and wondrous place

stories of self :3

we are knitting peaks of experience

everything is meaningless this does not mean that you should live in a negative way and

 if this was your first thought

then it is your fault

why do you derive meaning from evil

why assume the lack of meaning , the void, should be filled with darkness

why is it not a neutral place of becoming .

 where all essences are born .

 unconsidered and pure

awake

am thinking


that i should stop

i am dying

and i wish i would not

i am hoping for falsity

am dreaming , should be living

there is a reason to passion

a reason

to be found in passionate living

fear complacency

fear drift

it is an uncomfortable truth

and Truth is not a fact but a perception

everything is true till it is not

everything here  till you are not

everything happens till you decide it should not

utopia

you have to destroy and redeem your beliefs
 you have to be aware of every single facet of you
 know in which light the diamond gleams


beauty is a key
excitement is a key
 fear is a key
 the things that you feel the most have the largest context in this life you have chosen to be

watch closely
 live fully
 love dearly
 and do not count the cost
 for infinity
The infinity that we all are
needs to rejoice

yes i know

I know that i cant edit for shit
 but the form seems right
 and if that is all you see , it is all you are



untill you choose to be somethingelse and see some One else

like I said

cut and paste..................


be most careful of what you think you think

be careful of why you say what you say

your expressions create this reality
do not make a habit of cynicism and despair

and do not make a habit of complacency .



every new idea is a new reality to be explored

every new feeling should be enjoyed understood but not endured or  indulged



live quick and fast



find comfort not in words but in passion and love
do not do what you hate
 do not for one moment think that you can pay for good using evil.
i.e its not "for the best' if it is not not good

yes we are not there yet but we are going there !
And for those who know you were always there