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Monday, December 21, 2015

i cry for what was.
   i cry for what i is not
uncle john
 a hard man
built for a hard world


a gentle soul
that shelters all
warrior through and through

i never knew enough to tell
 but saw enough to know
 he was a great father and brother
a great man to have in your corner
 he was the kind of Thunder you wanted on your side

recently


he lost alot
we all did

and he went to get it back

an unstoppable force as always

he went for those he loved.

Saturday, December 19, 2015

reading

Its amazing how the world has changed since i began paying attention
there is a furious wind blowing
conflict everywhere
 what was hidden is revealed
 all pretense has been forced out

sometimes willingly . and just as often unwillingly
a light is revealing all the dark corners of all

its like mystic tradition being made childishly apparent
 all the levels of sight made accessible

the hidden hands are now open
throwing all kinds of chaff and confusion into the air
rushed spells to make you despair
and hopefully turn back

i have met people
the age of Aquarius was real. it happened
Is happening

its all the change around you
 the fluid .the flux
you will see dark and light contrasted and intermingled
 the extremes come to the center and the blend that survive is what will be your new reality. what you take from the horrors can either change you or damn you.
you are damned if you do not know what you want
if u do not know who you are
 and who you are is basically a matter of choice and imagination

picture the best thing . one that is not in bondage to fears or anchored in past tense. picture that you that is creator .
that is mother
 that is goddess
and tell god
thy will be done

make a place where your highest joy stands revealed
 where your music is strong
 and your soul needs no shell

whatever your choice

this is where the road splits

choose

go where your truest wind blows

there is no judgement

just your road

we get the heaven we want

mine is bright, airy, curious ,full of wonder. full of diverse and creative people
who love  laugh fight and strive without malice. and avarice is a curse word
And the skies are never beyond your reach

Love and blessings you all

for within you a child is born

and the savior u searched for was always YOU!



Sunday, September 27, 2015


YES
I am talking to you
fear less
be more
 the metal musturbation of ur kind is a lie

" Learning "is a lie

what u feel and care about is the truth!


if u must
conquer
find reason
But u Are
U ARE ...in the mean time

life is for...........................................
i made a concious choice to stop being me
I made me into something else
i cut off a limb
i hurt a particular self cause it was inneffectual when i needed it to ACT
that king of pain
The dead God
Hurt . really hurt
 then i realised that the power of any and all emotions
is I,
Ifeel
I care
Ilove
I touch
Icare
 I give a damn
and even though the the why
confounds me

I AM
awake
demon killer
 God
Awake maestro of time space and all that lies
Awake self that dreams the world beast
 awake ME
awake time and substance
awake music and meaning
awake
the sensual angels
awake the oversoul
awake
there is nothing else but you
awake
decibels of  of  You

Awake
this is one place one me that is different. complacent and caged
 this is one real that does not act .
this reals is the kind i will extinguish
 i want to be kinetic
energetic
 understanding
thinking
doing

so this is the epitaph of this self
 this is A death
My death
 by the end of this sentence .This "I "will cease to be


ok .
so what happened was
she walked in..
shut up and listen
..where was I
 Right ..."she walked in.
 like she owned the place
 she walked in like she was expected ,you know?


sassy . smart chick

 her hair a wild storm
her walk .waters glide
her ass.......

so what happened was


not what u think


but better

lady bird

Saturday, September 19, 2015

stop hiding under conformities blanket
u are unique for one reason

because u always were meant  to be You
 and Only u

fall in love with yourself for THE moment
 every curious thing and quirk.

then realise

this u
 belongs
is meant to be
 is necessary
is an glitch in the system
that will change and reconfigure everything




im trying to craft a perfect letter...........................................................maybe I am the letter. cool !
it was one of those areas i know not to go the dogs would rush at me
 and with my fear of dogs..overwhelming fear of dogs
 (thanks sandy)
 it was diabolical and only right that in the mirror world of dreamscapes
that dogs were my guides
 using my fear to guide me away from the dark
 i learnt to trust them
love them even
 i still fear them
 but with a grudging respect
 they are me
 and in retrospect a lot of " things" learnt to fear me too.

"things" is not a euphemism

so i will tell it like a story

all human life is a story
 A fiction made true by the Gods of this earth
"you "and "I"
yes we are a narcissistic cancer . a plague on all that is.. the original SIN

(All we are is one great song weaving cohesion - micro/ quantum wisps into significance
a conspiracy of weak forces
 finding Gravity
in Being)

so yes
 part of this great escapade is Me

i am here to remind u how tenuous yet invaluable u are
 u are wonderfully and terrifying
u own the landscape that is your mind
 you act in kindness to the greater good
all those small acts of kindness

make flowers bloom
sex and orgasms
birth
smile
laugh
forgive

and the bad feelings
hate guilt
pain gatekeepers
the dis ease
causes an immune response
 a reaction

u see?  I knew u would

own your body
own everything you see
feel touch

not in a capitalist "use" meme"

but in a new Original way

own your body as in all u see is you
 make it happy
make it stronger
make it wiser
make all that is you .. your version of GOOD aka GODess


but i digress





the dreams have began again
but this time they seem void
like cut outs from a scene
 props without soul

this disturbs me
 it feels like death

i can see what should cause terror
 what should cause hope
what should cause relief
the props are there but the actors are not playing

it is an achingly beautiful yet desolate para disma/ para daizo

that is not all that has come back

the terrors

or what were terrors

and the "teachers "

more subtle than most. speak as to a stranger?!

so armed with my permission slips
my "declaration of independence"
Im going to awaken

LOVE

"I Am"

Sunday, September 6, 2015

some of my old fears like distant canyon echoes
have reappeared
the need to be SEEN
The need to Prove
 the fear of irrelevance and the search for significance
 like snakes intertwined
on the healing tree

falling fruit unsavoured
rain on a river
a burning torch in the noonday sun
running from hell in swamp thick clay mud.. ok that last one is on mute
but the others echo,
i am forgetting my truths? am i re incarnating a defunct self

or am i just scared to trust my bliss. and doubting my joys

no this is not true either

Ahh
Im saying Goodbye.

No more baggage
no more obligations to falsehood

I am walking away
 saying Goodbye

This is Nostalgia

Dj
play my song


Saturday, September 5, 2015

{ hahaha so this is me after a bottle of scotch. i will not edit or delete this one . its a keeper in all its junky typo glory!}i was going to whine about a sense of fading self.
going to bitch about not being here for my friends or myself
how perfect an ending i could be
because of the silence

silence
all the time
meaninglessness all the time
no one to speak to or confide my truest thoughts
because "i think "therefore I AM"

a thinking tree in an empty forest falls . one hand clap?


so i think these self flogging thoughts
 and repeat  them on an UP beat
living heaven in hell

living lust in love

find wisdom in chaos

i am krishna finding christ
shiva cutting life into little edible peaces for a new gods
a river through death into understanding

a blindfolded walk for a jaded god into NEW
a wakong child into love
 a scared friend into truth
 a chapter of warriors trusting self
a libertine leberated
a girl findind god exists within GODESS
and then..finding an escape hatch beyond conditioning


we exist in potential
 pretend truth and wisdom when both are NOT true
Only u are truth
eternal and majestic
walking thru the universe with verve and purpose
changing  and yet changeless
 the love in existence is YOU/US
the will Is YOU?US
what u see is always you



Sunday, August 16, 2015

i keep waiting for the other shoe to drop
waiting to be disappointed in life
but all i get is the mic drop


but life keeps disabusing me of these necrotic and pessimistic view point
 and \I realise: I am the one disappointing the realities and possibilities
All life is the epitome of the word THRIVE.
 In a cosmic calamity of kinetic concussion, some how THRIVE and BE  became  the reality.
and hence We ARE

we may take the extent of our existence figuring out this miracle
but in the meantime WE ARE!


so what was this day like
 once it hit daylight
sun shone like love  blown
and creative activity like volcanic activity
like one of the chosen i felt rapture


talked to my sister Dorcas, she is such a cute dork as shes grown up  tho
laughing wild pixie who speaks wisdom with a smile and  wink

through her i saw  friends and family

Rosette in her regal splendour
and Rachel
 with her joyful mischievous heart,

then a buddy called fast
was in a concert with my favourite band
and like i knew they would . they rocked !

then.. i know its overwhelming
A souljah walks in and the the music....
 lord the music. the inexplicable connection with the Divine
wielded like an existential blade . with panache .

ran through the new and the old
but in this moment they were reborn . fresh an alive . chini ya maji jo!
 felt guilt at not connecting with my best friend
feels selfish some times to be who I am

But I am this person
and i give a damn
... sooo what else,,

read , a really good book
holla at a really good chick

and yup thats it

my experiment at being subjective , present and here.

i i never realised how much distance i put between me and my recording of me ..ness.  more mental masturbation will follow
. i seem to be my only audience so i use vulgarity with ease.
but i am not vulgar for vulgarities sake.
but the jarring effect of it brings full focus to the point being made  moda focka!!
i miss family

there is a jarring disturb between what could have been and what is,
sometimes it feels like a universe of leftovers and regret, until u realize that what you have focused on is one facet of the diamond that is You, One slice of of..the All

Friday, August 14, 2015

dear nephew
all is strife.

and i mean this , All is volatile combative and pure strife,
from the moment you were born A war was waging
you my dear soul child are as is said in the news ; a child soldier.


and so am I

and everyone else u see

we were all born into combat, the fire power is not just your courage , will and intelligence
 but how much strategic light you will shine
how much integrity shields you can retrieve
 how many self pride moments and fear less munitions you can become , derive and share,
and how most of all How much u do not Give an eff and just choose to live by whatever level of love and strength you wish to be ..and believe in


I know you already have figured out what kind of cool aid i am selling
and boy o boy i wish i had had a sip of it sooner

this battle is not just won by wits . but in your knowledge that  the entire battle field is yourself.
It Is  you testing and challenging yourself as creator .
to build better more imaginative and precious things..
                                                                                of course there is the other way...
but being able to make a choice to Create , well ,,, .

there are some forces in the world who champion entropy; that nihilistic sense of free fall
That claim" That's the way it should be , fuck it all Burn the world,"
 But i dare you to be A Creator. I dare to bring new worlds and energy into being. breathe life and passion and creativity to all your endeavours. do not fall for lies. but if a lie can become truth . and hence resurrect the dead . do it.
 live laugh love, learn


that is where true living is ! to make the impossible possible, to ignite a dying earth with passion
 and LIGHT UP THE UNIVERSE .

not burn

but ignite
revitalize
redeem
A friend of mine . a true friend
  has faced a loss. a true loss
      i do not know what to say
i feel like words are useless
my use of them would only veil
what is truly felt,
a faint shadow of things so big they cannot be spoken. of course we will try , and we Will mean it.\; But how do you  truly speak of agonizing pain without igniting it anew.

(so now late in the morning I realise.
what must be shared is emphathy. not pain/Love not loss. im going to call.)

 so

Pole sana my friend
i am sorry for the distance i let be.
    and that at this moment my condolences do not even come close to expressing ...
pole sana my friend
 but in all things give thanks. u cannot lose something unless u had it first

to u bro, to your siblings and family , my deepest condolences.
Gods grace is upon you all ,

Monday, August 10, 2015

this has been a hard year for me . I could speak in every code word, but still..
this fear of vulnerability
and a need to express in dominant terms

reclaiming self and defining identity is a really good lie,
we play parts that satisfy a distinct pathology..or immunity to general consensus
then we use words that attend to a pretence at distance. a false objectivity

i am using my own words BTW
 an autodidact folly/folio?
hippies and trippies live the truest lives

the home grown and home schooled
 the village born ..the "un" trivialized
the ethnic,the tribal
The unveiled
those that trust their unmediated contact with the reality they are in
and are not too diplomatic . but if they are ,their diplomacy is uncoerced, but ant attempt to connect with true otherness

a soulful flexibility
a mental agility
 a creative presence

it is this spirit i wish us all to engage
engage with everything
because for some extremely subjective reasons
i believe that the everything is us
and it is tired of being shattered
and seeks our Communion
a holy communion



Wednesday, July 29, 2015

today was an extra ordinary day. the sun was blazing,skies clear. heat should have been stifling but it was not . instead there was that clear ocean cut vintage taste to the wind , crisp and clear, But baking hot ..

from the moment i rolled out of bead , and did my chicken dance to the suns slow unveiling over the hills, perfection

from the moment my alarm went off just before i figured out what twilight should taste like ,, perfect

and a missed call from a friend
 a text from an ancient
 a mind blowing feel good post from one of my mothers
 a joke shared on the road
 and excellent DJ selection on my favourite channel
a step in the right direction with my hidden crush
 a brutal criticism that almost felt like fighting words.. then my brilliant comeback

I own this shit
 I am this shit
 I am
 still laughing,  still feeling ,still listening, still tearing down all defenses . aka walls
, Yes it hurts , but mostly its AMAZING
you learn that weakness is your ability to show strength.
period . any more is fetishistic
 once you know you are strong ,the proof is irrelevant.
once u know you are blessed
 everything is an opportunity to showcase the blessings
once u know you are love
 you light up your environment
in every lived second .

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

listening to music,
some old school sounds
 then some really old . like, really old school sounds
 and my mind is fired Uuup!

i walk in symphony// wacha hiyo
 i walk in the beat/ ndizo hizo
heart rhythms/ its tha gud thingz
 looking for a word that's like thee rhythms(lol). like deer in light beems

but even with distance there is presence/ , I'm disturbed inside need effervessence
 this lone writ is childish/ but me want ascendance
but back space backspace
 reflect
re rite
 release
SAY.
 be a an obiquitous reflection of ID
 be an infection of  IS
 in verse

feel everything . and do not hide ,
even when it hurts it is still You you must see, and that you run makes it so much worse , because in this world you hide so much hurt
 and make blossom
a

Friday, July 17, 2015

still dodging certainty
mastery
 reason and purpose
 these are my slaves
not my master
 but to be obstinately resistant
 is to be a fool
and to be worshipfully  in awe is to be enslaved
 same difference
  this paragraph
..was my warning sign
take it as u will


here i am.. welcome to the crucifixion

i am becoming. and am
aware 
of my vulnerabilities
there  are the cracks  in the cavern 
 the soft breaks that make art 
i will always embellish what i wish to emphasize
as an exercise to see
. but now and then, something comes by and shatters that false self. that protective ID  and i see with new eyes

i know that love allows . but also sharing that sentence makes me shudder
 like a line has been crossed
i know i love u 
 but the same snakeskin touch recoil endures like i am claiming too much
i believe i am being honest 
 but i also realise i speak from a particular light tube of understanding(picture ur  known truths as a light bulb and picture that particular light shining in an ever expanding cone/ zenith/horizon of influence,, this is you, unless u get a radical new "OMG" moment,
  call it epiphany , call it love at first sight, call it rigorous science,call it a moment of awe

we do this 

we are called Human

we call ourselves children of God
wanderers
lost souls
the second coming
outsiders
But most of all whether through despair 
or Joy 
or bliss
we discovered
 THERE HAS TO BE MORE
no proof except the subjective encounter with the immensity of our lives.

then we look around and there is an arid cold expanse
then we look again
choosing our conviction
and the desert blooms
friends speak of things unsaid
 by token pacts to your joined paths
synchronous harmony
becomes the norm

and still you doubt
i doubt
 it seems too cliche
(who taught you hexagon_ chris rock")
but there is Science; Hard Science
And there is also you. Only ,You.

If this subjective experience of things . Like all subjective experience of things . makes your world richer and more fluid and more..MORE
then live it!

but if it closes you out . reduces your choices
. makes you less tolerant
less of everything that is the THE current possibility of human experience. i.e bigoted , close minded, petty, ....u see where this horse is going.?// then ur path sucks.Change now.

I love u All
 it is within you to find the love and curious intelligence within all existence
and celebrate it
every day

live unjudged , and full of forgiveness!!

I hesitate to add this last part . but though trite it is true,

BE THE LIGHT

Friday, July 3, 2015

i met this angel
 she wakes my demons
 and heals them
she finds my god
and makes me fall in love with the goddess

we do not speak too much
 we strip to our most vulnerable self
 and find the truth in flesh
and exotic sensation
 and share loaded half smiles
then we hug
 and walk away and make the world a better place
if u have fear
u r still here
welcome to the end of the world
 know thyself
change this shit
 become everything
angel and demon will share your holy communion
change the world
 make it something else
yes
this is your power
weirdly enough no one has noticed ,
they have made it through to a whole nwe paradigm
a whole new level of experience

existence

anyone u know right now is a peer on a whole new level
unlimited
dangerous
kind
evil
good
undefined
unhinged to any moral code except compassion and love
and at the worst
fear

Wednesday, July 1, 2015

So I figured it out,
I guess you did too
That this life is for living
And we are too.

Each motion is born of emotion
And each thing is OUR  thing
All that  we love and care about happens daily
 All that we are truly

Once you know
 yourself
you are free

Thursday, January 1, 2015

I am excited
Its a whole new day
for me
 a revolution for us all

A new ray
An array of wishes and good will
 satellite around us
as we broad cast
new seeds of new harvests
and new days in varying colourful and splendid arrays